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King Flathead

Long ago a prince was born,
destined to rule the realm
A future king royal in every way -
except for his head
which was quite flat.

Prince Flathead (as he became known)
had it easy growing up.
Since he was the future king,
no one asked if he had just half a brain in his head.
At school, no one tried to balance things on his head when he wasn't looking.

He was good at many things,
but he was best at standing on his head.
It was so easy sometimes he did it for hours at a time.
He claimed that the extra blood rushing to his head helped him think.

Even with his upside-down thinking,
most of his ideas fell rather, well, flat -
like his flounder-powered pancake-making machine.

On the day he was to become king,
there was a large Gathering and Festival.
Then an unfortunate discovery was made -
The crown would not fit on the prince's flat head.

Prince Flathead was furious,
and immediately stood on his head to think.
Four days later he flattened the crown under a large boulder
and glued it atop his head.
The kingdom proclaimed "All hail King Flathead!"
- but secretly everyone was a little worried.

King Flathead issued his first decree,
declaring his head to be the most perfectly flat object in the kingdom
and that nothing else could be flatter.

All the people in the land soon became quite good at balancing on slanty floors,

and eating off slanty plates,

and writing on slanty desks,

and walking on slanty shoes.

King Flathead then fired all his Royal Mapmakers
who believed the Earth was flatter than his head.
He ordered his new mapmakers to make a new, non-flat map of the world.

They tried a pyramid map at first,
but King Flathead thought its sides too flat.
So the mapmakers took a ball,
and made a new, round map of the Earth.

King Flathead was delighted,
and sent a ship to explore this new round world.
The ship's captain was surprised not to fall off the edge of the world.
He instead travelled to many new lands, discovering great riches and delicious food.

King Flathead's kingdom grew rich and powerful.
The people in the kingdom were happy and well-fed.
That is why every year on his birthday,
we eat our meals on slanty plates,
write our words on slanty desks,
walk around on slanty shoes
and stand on our heads all night long.